The Meltdown

I had a mini meltdown Wednesday evening. Yep, I did. I admit it. Irv asked me if I was doing okay with all of this Osteoporosis stuff and that was all it took. The tears had been lying in wait for a while, and just the attempt to say, "Yep, I'm good," turned on the faucet. It actually felt good. I had to quickly turn the faucet off because Tresa called, and by the time I was done talking to her..."it" had passed.

(Photo by Miriam Pike)

I don't need sympathy....it isn't necessary, but I am always open to information or suggestions of any kind. The meltdown was two days ago and I am long past it. In fact, I feel really good. I know that I can do this my way and if for some reason my way doesn't work....there is always the alternative....medication. Not my first choice, but it's there if I choose to take it.

I remember when I was diagnosed with Melanoma in 1998. I was terrified. I didn't even want to do my homework on the subject because I didn't want to know. What I did know was that my days of enjoying the sun were gone and that I would live forever with this uneasy feeling. I was wrong. It did take years until I was comfortable stepping out of the house and allowing the sun to shine on my skin, but I have learned to live with it and it no longer affects me or my life negatively. I use my sunscreen and cover up if I'm going to be out for a long time. I love the feel of the sun on my skin and I see my dermatologist regularly. Yes, my life changed drastically that day, but I now look at that day as my life saver. It was my little warning sign to pay attention to what I was doing.

When I was told I had osteoporosis/osteopenia last Saturday, I already knew what it was but I didn't know a lot about it. I started reading and reading and reading. I talked to people about it. I asked about the meds and diet and exercise and everything else I needed to know. I crammed so much into my head in a few short days that I thought it would explode! I wasn't working on anything for my etsy shop, FourDogDay. I wasn't working on anything for the upcoming show. I wasn't keeping up with all of my favorite blogs. I just didn't feel like "me". I think Wednesday night I just became overwhelmed with all of the data and all of the change in my normal routine. I wasn't exactly sure how to sort it all out, get back on track and turn it all into my new way of life.

I laid in bed that night and made two columns on a sheet of paper....one said GOOD and one said BAD. I started writing down every food I read about. When I was done, I looked at the columns and realized I COULD do this. It wasn't that I could no longer have an egg, but I had to eat it with fruit or a vegetable. I could have cottage cheese...as long as I had some fruit with it. It's all a matter of balancing the acidic with the alkaline and I can do that. I'm not quite ready to explain the whole thing to you yet, but I promise I will as soon as I know I am giving you the right information and I'm not quite there yet.

I know how very, very, very lucky I am. There are so many worse things, but in all honesty....I'm lazy when it comes to my diet and exercise....and this is all about diet and exercise! I am a vegetarian that doesn't eat enough vegetables and almost no fruit. I live on rice and beans and pasta and cheese and eggs....at least I did. I start eating healthy and then I stop. I exercise and then I don't feel like doing it any more. I'm just not good with this stuff and now I feel backed into a corner because now I don't have a choice. I take that back....we always have a choice, but if I don't want my bones to crumble down the road....I only have one choice.

It's another warning. That's how I am looking at this. I have been given a chance to do it right...and I will. It just takes me a little bit to gather my thoughts and figure things out and then I'm ready to go. Irv e-mailed me at work the day after the mini meltdown to see if I was okay. I told him that I had my little boo hoo and I was raring to get going.

How are you when you are confronted with a total lifestyle change....when it's no longer if you want to do it, but it's that you have to. Does it take you a while to digest it all or are you able to dig right in?