Friday, February 5, 2010

The Meltdown

I had a mini meltdown Wednesday evening. Yep, I did. I admit it. Irv asked me if I was doing okay with all of this Osteoporosis stuff and that was all it took. The tears had been lying in wait for a while, and just the attempt to say, "Yep, I'm good," turned on the faucet. It actually felt good. I had to quickly turn the faucet off because Tresa called, and by the time I was done talking to her..."it" had passed.

(Photo by Miriam Pike)
I don't need isn't necessary, but I am always open to information or suggestions of any kind. The meltdown was two days ago and I am long past it. In fact, I feel really good. I know that I can do this my way and if for some reason my way doesn't work....there is always the alternative....medication. Not my first choice, but it's there if I choose to take it.

I remember when I was diagnosed with Melanoma in 1998. I was terrified. I didn't even want to do my homework on the subject because I didn't want to know. What I did know was that my days of enjoying the sun were gone and that I would live forever with this uneasy feeling. I was wrong. It did take years until I was comfortable stepping out of the house and allowing the sun to shine on my skin, but I have learned to live with it and it no longer affects me or my life negatively. I use my sunscreen and cover up if I'm going to be out for a long time. I love the feel of the sun on my skin and I see my dermatologist regularly. Yes, my life changed drastically that day, but I now look at that day as my life saver. It was my little warning sign to pay attention to what I was doing.

When I was told I had osteoporosis/osteopenia last Saturday, I already knew what it was but I didn't know a lot about it. I started reading and reading and reading. I talked to people about it. I asked about the meds and diet and exercise and everything else I needed to know. I crammed so much into my head in a few short days that I thought it would explode! I wasn't working on anything for my etsy shop, FourDogDay. I wasn't working on anything for the upcoming show. I wasn't keeping up with all of my favorite blogs. I just didn't feel like "me". I think Wednesday night I just became overwhelmed with all of the data and all of the change in my normal routine. I wasn't exactly sure how to sort it all out, get back on track and turn it all into my new way of life.

I laid in bed that night and made two columns on a sheet of said GOOD and one said BAD. I started writing down every food I read about. When I was done, I looked at the columns and realized I COULD do this. It wasn't that I could no longer have an egg, but I had to eat it with fruit or a vegetable. I could have cottage long as I had some fruit with it. It's all a matter of balancing the acidic with the alkaline and I can do that. I'm not quite ready to explain the whole thing to you yet, but I promise I will as soon as I know I am giving you the right information and I'm not quite there yet.

I know how very, very, very lucky I am. There are so many worse things, but in all honesty....I'm lazy when it comes to my diet and exercise....and this is all about diet and exercise! I am a vegetarian that doesn't eat enough vegetables and almost no fruit. I live on rice and beans and pasta and cheese and least I did. I start eating healthy and then I stop. I exercise and then I don't feel like doing it any more. I'm just not good with this stuff and now I feel backed into a corner because now I don't have a choice. I take that back....we always have a choice, but if I don't want my bones to crumble down the road....I only have one choice.

It's another warning. That's how I am looking at this. I have been given a chance to do it right...and I will. It just takes me a little bit to gather my thoughts and figure things out and then I'm ready to go. Irv e-mailed me at work the day after the mini meltdown to see if I was okay. I told him that I had my little boo hoo and I was raring to get going.

How are you when you are confronted with a total lifestyle change....when it's no longer if you want to do it, but it's that you have to. Does it take you a while to digest it all or are you able to dig right in?


Lori said...

Irv is sweet for calling - aren't husbands sweet? And the meltdown, I can totally relate. I guess most women can.

Anyway, my lifestyle change came with Jessie's illness and I dug my heels in (maybe it's the mother thing) and learned as much as I could. When people would say, "I don't how if I could do it." I wanted to replay, "well what the heck are you going to do, lay down and die?". A pity party is definitely good for cleansing the old heart (I've had more than my share) and then you rally the troops and step ahead. Right? Sounds like you've got it right to me. :) Have a great weekend.

Lanyardlady said...

Life can be overwhelming. Letting out your emotions is all part of the acceptance and moving-forward process. You can do this and you will inspire others along the way. And how wonderful that Irv is concerned and supportive.

LDWatkins said...

Tears are there for a reason, and when we need them, they spring up into action..a good cleansing of the spirit is sometimes needed. I'm ordering your book. I don't have IT but the numbers are getting close. Your blogging has helped me face the reality of my situation. I sculpt so I sit all day. Now, I plan to read the book, take action and start moving! Thanks for taking us with you on this journey! Hugs, Lynda

Silke said...

I think you are doing extremely well!! And those little meltdowns are good to get "it" all out there and then move on more peacefully than before. I think we are much alike in our approach to life! Looking forward to learning what you have learned... Love, Silke

Cathryn said...

OH yes, I have meltdowns! After meltdown, I usually am able to kick into high gear and do what's needed. That's how I took my illness 2 years ago--meltdown, and then take it as a warning and kick it into gear.

Crying is good for us. That's what makes us women strong, I believe. We cry--dump a lot of confusing and conflicting emotions and then move into action.

Good that your husband is supportive AND caring. Use that strength as you make the changes you need to make.

I'm glad you are better.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Having a hissy fit/tantrum is perfectly sound reaction. I bawled long and hard when we found out T had a seizure disorder. I wailed again when I learned he had dyslexia. It's part of how you process. The point is, you sat up, dried your tears, and went on with it instead of staying prostrate on the ground! Give yourself a little credit!!!

Kittie Howard said...

I think it's really, really good to cry and let emotions out. Like every woman I know, certain challenges have overwhelmed, making a good cry exactly what the doctor ordered. You're going to be just fine!!

Mary said...

I'm not a big fan of big, drastic diet changes. I read so much after I had cancer that I decided no one knew nothin.' They all contradict each other. ;-)

I just try to eat a variety of fresh, whole foods, drink lots of water and exercise. What will be will be. I have pretty much stopped going to the doctors. I don't like what they do anyway.

Meltdowns tell us we're overwhelmed. Stress is the worse thing to make us sick so maybe take a weekend off from worry and just enjoy yourself.

I had a friend who obsessed about her diet and exercise, her money, her home, everything. She was determined not to get sick or become dependent on anyone. She got hit by a car while out on a walk and died at 49.....After that happened I realized it's not about the worry or the planning as much as it is about remembering that the moment we're in is really the only one we've got. so i say, enjoy the day! to heck with the rest ;-)

Joan said...

Aw Kathy I feel for you. I am going through something similar. Change is soooo hard!

Hang in there and keep us informed and updated.

lilylovekin said...

Meltdowns are good. You need to release all that pent up negative energy or you would really explode. I'm glad you had a listening ear. Sounds like you are on the right track and I wish the best for you and the new life style that I know you will grow into.

Angela said...

It is okay to not be strong all the time! Sometimes you just need to cry! You can do it!

gayle said...

At first I am kindof in a daze and then I start moving forwarding reading, researching and making plans!! You are doing a Great job!!! Irv sounds like a sweetie!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Change is hard. And when change comes with health issues it's really hard sometimes.

I usually arm myself with as much information as possible. I read everything I can and talk to as many people with a similar experience as I can. It's important for me to feel like I'm taking charge and being proactive of my wellness. And I usually start doing all that right after a great, big, meltdown :-)

Hang in there Kathy. You're doing a good job.
xo jj

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I always need time to adjust to a change, to envision it and eventually get comfortable with it. I'd say you've made good progress with this. In fact, the tears were a sign that you were getting ready to part with the old and start something just needed to grieve a bit.

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