Wednesday, January 6, 2010

How Does This Happen?

I was in the bathroom Tuesday morning putting on my make up. I had the radio on in my workshop and the news came on. I heard a familiar name mentioned....followed by....arrested for armed robbery!

The name they mentioned was a kid that my boys went to school with. They weren't friends with him, but he lived one street over from us for a while. Michael played soccer with his older brother. This boy was a year older than Matt, my youngest and he was always the tough guy. He was a bit of a bully....but armed robbery? Are you kidding me?

His mom was one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet! I grew up with her and her sister. I didn't know his dad or his dad's family very well, but they seemed like nice people. We all went to the same high school.

We were just talking at work about this very thing on Monday. I always wonder what happens along the way, to make kids turn out the way they do. These kids all go to the same schools. They all play together. Some play sports together and even hang out together. Yes, many of them experiment with alcohol and drugs...there are very few perfect kids out there as much as many parents would like to believe. Even the smart kids from stable homes do things they shouldn't be doing...but what happens that some of them outgrow that immaturity and bad decision making and others just don't?

I don't know what has happened to him or his family since the kids were in school, but my heart aches for them all.

Do you ever wonder "why" when you hear about stuff like this? They all start out beautiful and innocent. How does one become successful and another one becomes a felon? What path did their lives take that lead them to make that kind of decision? If something had been different in their life....would they be different? It makes me sad.

17 comments:

Lanyardlady said...

it is one of life's great mysteries isn't it? nature vs. nurture? i am saddened to hear this young man's life took such a terrible turn. i hope he will be able to turn things around eventually.

Kittie Howard said...

Yes, I've wondered the same thing myself. Sigh. And I'm sorry you are relating this sad tale. Somewhere, a system had to fail. Not knowing Where adds to the pain.

Oklahoma Granny said...

We had a similar circumstance several years ago and the young man had been a friend of my son's when they were in grade school. It just didn't make any sense at all. I pray for this young man that you know and his family. I can only imagine the heartache they're experiencing.

TexasHeather said...

First, thanks for stopping by my blog!

Second, yes, we recently learned a similarly shocking thing about a college friend of ours. What truths about himself he must have hidden when we knew him, and what must have gone wrong in the years since...I don't think we'll ever understand.

The "why" is too often a question that can't be answered, unfortunately.

Bluebell said...

Hi Kathy, is'nt it sad when kids take the wrong turning, I don't know why it happens but, it could happen to any of us and all you can do is love your kids, point them in the right direction and hope they turn out to be the people you want them to be. It does'nt matter who you are a King or a pauper these things happen in all walks of life. God Bless Jillxx

Cathryn said...

We don't know why and we most likely will never learn the reasons why. People tend to avoid families that have a troubled child (and it doesn't matter how old that child is) which causes further isolation.

I hope this family isn't isolated. I hope they are getting the support they need. I hope this child gets a chance to rework his life.

Bless you Kathy for caring.

Mary said...

it's an interesting question and one we'll probably never really understand. we had a similar case in our town years ago with someone i grew up with...human psychology is so interesting....

MooreMagnets said...

I have this conversation almost monthly with my mother. She was a single mom - my dad was involved, but not enough. Anyway, my brother and I both turned out to be responsible, in stable relationships, able to support our kids. However, so many people that my mother knows - well, their children didn't fair so well - even though they came from a 2 parent household, financially stable, perhaps even on the above middle class spectrum. I guess I don't know the answer either ... I think my brother and I turned out the way we did because we were just so determined ...

Malissa said...

I think alot of people wonder the same thing. It makes me sad, too. All we can do is make sure that the people, especially children, that we come in contact with know that WE care, no matter what their situation is.
And then, hope for the best!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That is so sad, and you never know. My sister has a rap sheet a half mile long and spent half her life addicted to drugs, transient and birthing babies she never kept. Me? Well, I didn't do any of those things and we were raised the same.

T.Allen-Mercado said...

It is sad, but necessary. I know that sounds absurd, but we can't ALL be "successful" how then would we know it. I'm a "shot-in-the- dark"; product of two wayward souls, some might say the best thing they'd ever done. It is because of their misfortune that I've come to appreciate hard work and integrity, it is how I've come to pass it on to my own children. At my mother's 50th birthday party I was finally able to say something nice about her, I made the toast and thanked her for showing me who/what not to become.

Ms Sparrow said...

You mentioned that the kid in question was a bully. We can never know what was going on in the home but it seems likely that the father was also a bully. The really nice mom may have gone to the other extreme trying to make a happy home. The kid, it appears, used the dad as a role model.
Sometimes, kids become really contemptuous of a mother who's a doormat. (Possible explanation)

Angela said...

Yes, Aubrey and I were just talking about this a few nights ago! It amazes me how many people from my high school are just out of their minds crazy because they got hooked on drugs! I went to a very upscale private school- in most cases it turns out to be they guys that were smart, popular, or funny. It is so sad to me that a drug can become so important in your life that you would give up everything else.

Beth Anderson said...

It is so sad. I wonder too what triggers it, and i'm SO thankful that my kids have turned out OK - you just never know!
What a tragedy for the family.

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gayle said...

I have wondered about this too. I know of so many kids from wonderfu homes that some how turned the wrong way..It's kind of scary!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

It makes me sad too. I wish there was a way to figure out what "it" is that makes kids take the wrong path and end up so horribly wrong.

xo

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